"De-layer"Jun 05, 2019
Saw this today & thought heck ya, I think as you age, it becomes clearer that you’re actually the only thing standing in your own way. You being, your thoughts, your deep rooted beliefs about Self, your lack of trust in YOU, the suitcases you’ve carried of scars, experiences, pain, trauma, grief...by 30, the world in all its glorious experiences, has ate you up and spit you out - now, you’re unravelling years of societal constructs geared towards keeping you small (debt, body image, sexism etc) and self-talk that came from family, parents, old friends, movies, teachers, ex-partners that holds a space inside your heart & brain. Unraveling familial patterns. Unravelling the stories your brain created over those years to survive.
One day, I woke up and it’s like I could hear my own thoughts but they weren’t mine, I would eagerly explore a new path only to be confronted by doubt, fear and immobilizing distrust in my power & somehow I didn’t fit...my fear became annoying, my doubt was like an annoying sibling on repeat, my self-thoughts were thoughts that I wouldn’t even say to someone I didn’t respect — it was shocking, to get to the other side and feel like “wow, what in the shit is all this?” When we wake up to our own shit, I’d like to think it’s because it doesn’t fit anymore, we are ready to shed - it’s our Souls way of being like “I’m wearing this outfit but it’s 7 sizes too small and it’s cutting off my circulation.” So we shed. But it’s a choice and an uncomfortable one - because it really does require us to get so sick of our own shit that nudging forward - to transformation is quite literally our only choice.
This doesn’t mean we don’t honour the suit of armour, the old patterns, the self-preservation, the choices....because we do, we truly do. We hold gratitude for all that it took to get us here. We honour ourselves BUT we realize, like Brené Brown states “we need to be in the arena,” so we thank our brains, our bodies and all we’ve come to shed & we jump into the arena - because this is where we live courageously and where the magic lies & where we truly let go of all our own bullshit that has kept us small.